Cora Lynn, our baby girl.

Happy birthday, Cora Lynn. 

I gave birth to my, our, daughter, Cora Lynn on September 13th, 2021. It was truly a moment, day, weekend, I'll never forget. Being my second child, I had lots of ideas on how it would go and although there were lots of similarities, Cora's birth was also very much different. I am forever grateful for my amazing husband, Jim, who was by my side the entire process. I am also eternally grateful for my mom, Grandma Laura, who spent the time at our house with Kolten to ensure his needs were met. Finally, the staff and Dr. Vu who delivered Cora, took care of everything so well and I will be forever thankful for their presence and support during the most vulnerable time of my life. 

Something I aspired to do when Kolten was born was to keep a short documentation of the first "30ish" days after he was born during the "4th" trimester. I love to document, share, and write and figured it would be fun to look back on. I mildly succeeded writing in a little notebook that is now tucked away in the office. This time with Cora, I thought I'd try again. I have been keep a short log in my "notes" app on my iphone and add to it each day- some days more than others- but keeping it extremely minimal and doable is the key for this mama of two. 

Below are the first two days. 

More to come. 

Day 1- 

Ouch. Things are settling in physically and mentally. I feel ok, proud, and complete. I feel nervous thinking about how Kolten is going to react and how we're going to adjust but I do know that we will. 

I'm in my PP room. Jim's coworker brought us coffee (YES!) Having Kolten at home changes things. We're dividing and conquering. We are going to be spread thin like butter on toast, but we will do it. (By we, I mean Jim and I).  Baby girl got her newborn screening, hearing test, hospital bath, etc. All the tests. 

Noted- I keep calling Cora HE, but I'm sure that will fix it's self. 

I farted real big and all I smelt was TUCKS pads. HA, Jim and I laughed! We needed that! Keep it real. 

Day 2-

We stayed in the hospital for 24 hours from delivery to being released. Kolten had a covid exposure at school, so us leaving the hospital at 7:00 pm allowed for him to go to bed, Cora and myself to isolate in the bedroom, and we didn't go out to meet brother until his covid test (which was first thing in the morning) came back *thankfully* negative. After that huge relief, Kolten was able to meet Cora. I sat on the couch and held baby and he joined us. It was a magical moment for me. My heart felt so full. 

I cried today. And tonight. Breast feeding is HARD. I wanted a different experience this time. Baby girl does love to breast feed. We're working through this. It's only the second day. 

I got my pump out. That was helpful. & then I cried more. Jim is so supportive and calming. I hate being an added stress to him. 

Kolten has been super snuggly with me. And dad. And gma. I am trying to support him. 

Jim and I slept on the couch last night. Baby girl slept for a four hour stretch. 

Here we go.  

Our sweet girl- lots of snuggles with mom, dad, and big brother Kolten. 

As many have pointed out, Cora looks JUST like Kolten in this picture. I couldn't agree more! 

Waiting.

 I am currently 40 weeks and five days pregnant with baby number two- our sweet girl. 

I hear many mama's who are overdue who can't wait to get their baby out, super uncomfortable, etc. Although I do feel the urge to pee every few minutes, can't sleep, and am so anxious to see what "she" looks like, I don't feel like I'm rushed for her to come out. 

I think it may be because I know how much things will change. Maybe I'm enjoying these last days with my son, mom, and husband as we prepare. Perhaps I'm nervous to actually deliver? I'm not sure, but I do know that when she is here,  I will be thankful for her presence. I am having a hard time wrapping my hear around having two children. How my heart will grow in love for two babies. I just can't imagine this feeling. I will be growing even more as  mom in these few days to come. Who I am now will be changing for the better. 

If baby girl doesn't come on her own, we will move forward with an induction on Tuesday September 14th. It was planned for Sunday 9/12, but the hospital called and said they needed to move the date due to someone else needing to be induced sooner. They did offer me tomorrow, 9/11, but with it being the 20th anniversary of one of our countries most horrific attacks, I couldn't purposefully plan my babies birth on that date. 

We will see what happens in it's own time. 

Dear Son,

As I spend my last few days with you as an "only child" - I want to remember how special my time has been with just you, me, and "dada". I have cherished every single moment. The good, the challenging, the tiring, and all the moments in between. You have been such a joy- I have loved watching you grow and giving you my undivided (within reason) attention. We have continued to learn each other. I am continuing to learn how to parent you and what you like and what your needs are. I think it's necessary to support and encourage you but to also challenge you and praise you. You are independent, strong willed, funny, loving, and every day is an adventure with you! I love reading books with you, building, holding, rocking, kissing, and making you laugh. You are so special to me and I am so thankful to be your mama. This time just the three of us may not have been long in to comparison of the years ahead, but I am hopeful to remember these moments with just YOU. 

Love you sunshine, 

Mama.

Obligations.

As a new mom, I have been thinking a lot about obligations. In the past six weeks since my son has been born, my obligations have changed, drastically. In fact, I have a hard time remembering what my obligations were before I had him. As my time is consumed caring day and night- literally all day and night, to a new born, I currently feel 100% obligated to him. However, I have been thinking - what or who else am I obligated to?

“What kills us isn't one big thing, but thousands of tiny obligations we can't turn down for fear of disappointing others.”  ― Alain de Botton

Obligations and the feeling of being obligated can often make us feel weighed down, helpless, and like we are living a life we are not loving if they are not chosen with intent. I have felt weighed down by poorly picked obligations  several times as it is easy to get wrapped up in feeling obligated to live a life to please another person. Perhaps that means doing a task for someone because you feel obligated to help them. Perhaps you cover a shift for your co-worker because you were out sick last week so you feel obligated to fix what they need help with. Maybe your mother is hounding you about a task and because she is your mom, you feel obligated to complete that for her.

But, what if these obligations are not what you want to do. It is important to make sure that your obligations are filling your life and your day with joy and happiness that makes you feel satisfied as a person. It is ok to take a step back and evaluate instead of giving the obligatory, "Yes," when someone asks you do something. This can be challenging at first if it is not something you usually do. But, as you detach yourself from unwanted business, you will notice yourself to feel free, confident, and in control of your own choices and directions.

I challenge you to make a list of who and what you feel obligated to. Revisit that list and circle obligations that fulfill you. Cross out and remove obligations that are not filling your life with happiness. This is a good practice to revisit every so often to help stay focused and aligned.